This piece of writing is about my experiences of international and inter-racial dating. It is simply an account of what I have witnessed and experienced myself over the course of my life so far, although at 55 years old, I am nearer the end of it than the beginning. It is my guidance on dealing with an international or inter-racial relationship.
It all began at an early age when I was in infant school at seven. There was a Filipina girl in our class and I could not take my eyes off her, although I almost certainly did not know much about it then. We parted at eight when they moved closer to another school and I never saw her again.
My next encounter with a foreign girl, was the mademoiselle junior teacher at school and I was convinced that I would marry a French country girl when I grew up. That passed when the German helper arrived.
When I was fourteen, I went on a school cruise to Leningrad and there was a party of exchange students going home to Sweden on the same ship. I went out with one of them for roughly a week and first realized the problems that can come from international dating. There was a minor language barrier, but it was fun getting over that. The real difficulty came, because I had predetermined ideas of what Swedish girls were like, probably instilled in me after years of silly ‘Carry On’ films.
At sixteen, I went to Germany to work for the summer and I found it very easy to get on with the German girls, although they were shyer that I was expecting too. Also an outlook I owed to silly Health and Efficiency ‘sex films’.
After finishing university, I moved to The Netherlands to live. It was the seventies and Dutch girls were great. However, I made friends with male British colleagues first and soon saw some of the issues that can come from an international relationship. Most of the men I knew were typical Brits and made totally no attempt to learn Dutch at all. Surprisingly, many Dutch people could not speak English either, particularly the parents.
This lead to a surprising quantity of tense moments in a week and that put a lot of pressure on my friends’ relationships. It is so easy to start name-calling when you are angry and it is the worst thing you can do. The Dutch girlfriend or her parents or friends would be called ‘a stupid cheese eater’ or something equally daft and the relationship was over or in trouble for days. I do not recall what the Dutch called us.
I vowed to myself there and then never to get serious about a foreign girl because the arguments were just too much. Food was never a problem. Culture was not much of a problem, although where I was in southern Netherlands, most people were Catholic and I am not. This did perplex some parents but not me. Travelling was always going to be the drawback. Do you live by her parents or yours? Especially when children start arriving. Most countries have stronger family ties than Britain.
Then, at 50, having never been married, I went to Thailand, where I met my wife-to-be. Asian culture is very different from British or even European society and it is a real shock to both parties. Anyway, five years into our relationship and we are still fine. I recollect the reasons I gave myself for not marrying abroad when in The Netherlands and I was wrong, but not much.
If you are going to enter into an international or even inter-racial relationship, you had better learn how to manage your anger. It is the most important advice you will ever get. Being understanding of other points of view is important too, but not getting angry is more important. Furthermore, you must try to learn something about your partner’s land, culture and language, otherwise you cannot join in any discussion your partner may have with someone who does know a bit about it.
I have never seen religion be a problem ever, except in an argument. My wife is Buddhist and I am not. We talk about it, but there is never any stress. Food, again I have never seen a problem in this field. Clothing, again no problem in my life. If you get into an international or inter-racial relationship, keep your temper, do not shout, do not get angry and talk things out calmly.
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The Ancient Chinese Lunar Calendar
Prior to their adoption of the Western solar calendar scheme, the Chinese almost wholly followed their own lunar calendar for determining the times of planting and harvesting and festival days. Although people in China today use the Western calendar for almost all business, governmental and practical matters of daily life, the old method still serves as the basis for determining many seasonal holidays. This coexistence of two calendar schemes has long been accepted by the people of China.
However, this does not only happen in China, it also happens in most other Eastern countries, like Thailand, and most Arabic countries.
A lunar month is determined by measuring the period of time needed for the moon to complete its full cycle of 29 and a half days, a standard that makes the lunar year a whole eleven days shorter than its solar counterpart. This difference is made up every 19 years by the addition of seven lunar months.
The 12 lunar months are further divided into 24 solar divisions characterized by the four seasons and times of heat and cold, all of which bear a close relationship to the annual cycle of agricultural work.
The Chinese calendar – very much like the Hebrew calendar- is a combination of the solar and lunar calendars in that it attempts to have its years coincide with the tropical year and its months coincide with the synodic months. It is not surprising that a few similarities exist between the Chinese and the Hebrew calendar.
For instance, an ordinary year has 12 months, a leap year has 13 months. An ordinary year has 353, 354, or 355 days, a leap year has 383, 384, or 385 days. When determining what a Chinese year will be like, one needs to make a couple of astronomical calculations.
First of all, you have to determine the dates of the new moons. In these instances, a new Moon is the completely black Moon (that is to say, when the Moon is in conjunction with the Sun), not the first visible crescent, as is used in the Islamic and Hebrew calendars. The date of a new moon is then the first day of a new month.
The reason why the majority of countries which had their own calendars had to drop them in favour of the Western, Julian calendar that we use today, is business. First the British and then the Americans ran international business and they used the Gregorian calendar. Anyone who sought to work with them had to follow suit. This is why national policy often differs from local custom in Third World countries.
The government desires to deal on the International markets, but the ordinary family in the country can not. So, the government took up the Gregorian calendar but the people only pay lip service to it. I live in Thailand and people here do not even use the 24 hour day divided into two halves. Their day has four sections of six hours each and the first part starts at 6AM, not midnight. Therefore, they have four 4 o’clocks a day, for instance but no 7 o’clocks. They are also 543 years ahead of us, although this is more common, for instance in Muslim countries.
Owen Jones, the author of this article, writes on many topics, but is currently involved with researching Franklin planner pages. If you have an interest in calendars, organizers or promotional calendars, please go over to our website now at Promotional Desk Calendars